Life’s a blur sometimes. I have find myself many times easily buying into the “lifestyle”, as some like to call it, and tend to miss so many important things. It’s so easy to just go with the motions, go with what you feel, what you think is right, what your selfish ego tells you, and i find myself in the same boat lots of times. It’s not easy pushing against the current, so you end up settling for less. Like the saying goes, “if you can’t beat em, join em”, and sadly to say, i join em way too much. I find it challenging at times to believe in a God when at many times I don’t hear a thing from Him. It’s not cause “im in sin” or “i haven’t prayed enough”, it’s just that in the midst of my doubts and issues i end up relying on myself more than ever. I have become self-absorbent, obsessed with myself, worshiping myself, and this causes me to miss it. And the place i find peace is when i give up, surrender and lower all my weapons and kill my pride in saying, “ok it’s all on you now”. It’s where i’m not sure but i am sure, and i give it all away.
© 2009 Miguel
